NO I'm not alive, and I resent the accusation. Also: Brains.

Okay, sort of a lie. I've been writing random short stories but I haven't inflicted you with any of them because they're the kind of things I don't share because I think you guys still all respect me on some level. Please don't shatter the illusion, it's all I have left.

Anywho, I'm multi-tasking like a madwoman (who can multitask, instead of just sit in a corner chewing her hair). I'm getting secondary applications for medical school, which means I need to be emailing professors for letters of rec and asking with huge googly eyes except it's all over the internet, so I'll have to attach a picture of it, and probably send them a virus.

Speaking of viruses, my old computer died harder than a wife of Henry VIII (I spent a long time trying to think of deaths that weren't offensive. You're welcome.). I can't even start it in Safe Mode without getting the Blue Screen of Death. I lost a lot of stuff (mostly writing) but was able to save some of it (mostly old crap that's too embarrassing to admit I did). Good news: it meant I could wheedle (that word looks dirty, yes?) a new computer (Toshiba, lappytoppy) out of the parental unit. It comes with a camera, so the googly eyes picture can be taken from the privacy of ME NOT WEARING PANTS. Which is a common factor in most pictures starring me, regardless of whether or not my laptop has a camera. Did I mention it has a camera? Cuz it totally does. Downside: Vista. Silver lining: free upgrade to Windows 7, once the bitches mail that shit out.

Back to multi-tasking: tomorrow is my FIRST DAY OF HIGH SCHOOL. ...AGAIN. I'm student-teaching/assisting at my old high school because if med school doesn't work out (yeah, I got... none of my fingers crossed for that one, sorry) then I am seriously interested in being a high school biology teacher.

...yes. Thank you. Done laughing?

YOUR MOTHER IS A WHORE.

But yeah. I'm worried because I'm still young enough to be mistaken as a student (I am ageless!) so I feel like I have to fit in, and I really didn't do that so well the first time around. However, I have boobs that could kill a man, and I can legally buy alcohol, so that automatically makes me WAY cooler than like 98% of the student body. The other 2% is Neil Patrick Harris. I could rule the school. I'll fail at it though. They'll judge me. And since I still look 14 they might hit on me so I'd better not eat lunch or I WILL be gagging on it. Cuz. Ewwww. Whatever, I got a TB test for the bastards and I'm going down to the district office later to get my fingerprints removed. Or something. I forget if I'm going to be a teacher or a ninja sometimes.

(And if you're not following me on Twitter: why the fuck not? Also, I explained the test to a friend and it was funny. [ My explanation of the TB test: "They inject you with tuberculosis and then come back later to see if you've got it." Matt: "...wait, what?" ] Okay that is all.)

Onto other news. I will totally be getting an ICD sometime in December, which will mean I might be opening pity-commissions depending on how much heart surgery costs. Two reasons: the last cardiologist I talked to, who is supposed to be super-against surgery, was for it, and also, my really cool, 51-year-old uncle died last month of the same sudden mysterious keeling over unexpectedly that is marking this disease. At least if I die it'll be totally painless. Amazeballs, yes? Kinda. No. Also my cousin died but it was of cancer and as far as I know I don't have that yet, but I'm working on it. Anyway, I'm trying to negotiate that the device be put above the skin, with blue flashing lights, like in Iron Man. I'd totally tell people I built it in a cave. WITH SCRAPS. And they'd believe me cuz I'm totes awesome.

That is all. Now get off mah interbutts.